Thursday, August 12, 2010

What the Future Holds..

So, this past Tuesday I went to the local Community college down here to get registered for classes... And I ended up walking out in the middle of it. Bad decision? Probably. Do I regret it? Maybe a little.

There hasn't been one moment in all the time I've lived in this town that I actually wanted to go to CCCC (Coastal Carolina Community College.) There's this saying that pretty much every teenager around here knows. Basically if you go to CCCC, then you'll never get out of this town. Which is true, pretty much. I don't know one person that's gone there, even with plans of transferring to a 4 year university, that has ever left. 2 year degrees turn into 2 year degrees that take 3 or 4 or 5 years to get. 65 easy credits, that turn into 65 credits spread out over the course of YEARS because of failings, not showing up, and droppings of a class or two.

I don't know what it is about this town that holds us here like a vise. But I've never wanted that. I've had too many friends that want so badly to leave here, but never do. It seems as though they just gave up or they got themselves pregnant/knocked someone up (Which happens A LOT around here.) Either way, it's something that I refuse to let happen to me. When I went out with my friend on the 3rd I told her that I was scared that I'd end up like most everyone esle: taking classes for the next someoddyears and working at various places of minimum wage employment. Never moving forward or backwards. In a stalemate of some sorts. She told me not to worry, that I was too ambitious, hell, even too scared to let that happen to myself. She's right, I know this, but doubt still plagues me.

My dad told me it was my decision. What I wanted to do, but he's the one that caused me to not apply to any universities. I don't regret that though. I could have gone to a university this fall, and then I would've been paying off a student loan. The curse of graduating a year early. When I hit 18 years old I get around 20 grand for 4 year from my mother's death. The money is to be spent however and whenever I want, preferably for college though. But since I did, in fact, graduate from High School a year early I haven't gotten that money yet. So the first semester of college I would have been broke. And indebt.

My dream is to run a teen home, or just work with troubled teens in some way. Throughout high school and even middle school I was the one my friends would always go to when they needed to talk to someone, when they were looking for advice, or just needed someone who wouldn't judge them. I'm not the nicest person in the world, some people may tell you otherwise, but trust me, I'm no saint. But for some odd reason my friends trusted me. I think 2 years ago it hit me that I wanted to help other teens. not just my friends, but other people who don't have someone to talk to about their problems. All my friends said they could easily see me in this role. I don't know if I'll have the strength to handle it, but I definitely have the heart. I've never doubted that. I might come off mean sometimes, but usually I'm just pointing out how obviously stupid someone is. That what they did, they know they shouldn't have done. Tough love, i guess is what people would call it. Call it some 6th sense or whatever, but I know when someone can handle tough love, and I know when someone is on a breaking point. And for that one simple reason my friends have supported me with my dream.

Anyway, I've applied to Liberty University for the Sping semester, by that time I'll have my roughly 20 grand to help pay my way. I just... I need prayers and good vibes or whatever you want to send my way. I have doubts, mostly in myself. I never think I'll make it to where I want to be, which is stupid, I know. But it's my nature. I'm not sure what I'll do if I don't get in. Wallow in self pity for a while then succumb to my fate of years and years at a 2 year college. Or be resilient and try again. God, I hope I'll try again.

1 comment:

  1. Aw, Shel! I will pray that you get in..which I am sure you will! You are a very intelligent woman..and you can do whatever you set you heart and mind to. I know sometimes I hate that I didn't finish school..I would like to go back one day to get a childcare license or something so I can work with kids. But now a days..if you don't have the money upfront its just too hard. I went to school for a year..3 years ago..and I am still paying off loans. I am getting there but its crazy. Just follow your heart Shel! In the end you will be happy! <3 ya hun!

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